Why Do We Settle For Less Than We Want?
I’ve recently been in a strange frame of mind. Well, not recently per se, just more observant of the thoughts. It occurs to me that there is a lot I would like to accomplish in this world, yet I haven’t begun to make it happen. And it got me to thinking, do we settle for less then we want because of economic reasons, or is it fear of the unknown that stops us? Can it be both?
I think I’ve mentioned before that I want to be a screenwriter/novelist. I work on it daily, writing and rewriting – though I must confess that after 10 hour days at the credit union and my contributions here at MYC, I’ve been more remiss in my personal writing than I’d like. Still, I often think about moving to L.A. and have on more than one occasion resolved to do so. Yet, I’m still in Austin with no immediate plans to move.
I keep telling myself that the reason for this is that L.A. is expensive and with no guarantees as to my writing career, it would be imprudent of me to make the move. I have no family or long-term friends that I know of there, only a few acquaintances. Economically speaking, it is perhaps best if I do not move. Yet, what does that say of my desire to write? Could I not work in the financial industry there until my writing prospects are more certain? While I wouldn’t enjoy the opportunity to work three jobs while waiting for my big break, I wouldn’t be the first, nor would I be the last.
So, what is it that keeps me here? Well, on a great deal of thought, I think for me it’s the fear of the unknown. What if I fail? What if I have to come back, tail between my legs and rebuild my life and my finances? That scares me to no end. I have no desire to put myself in a position where I would be looking at debt, yet I have to wonder if that’s exactly what I’d be doing if I were to move.
On the other hand, I have to wonder how I would feel emotionally about setting off to accomplish a dream. In honesty, I have no doubt about my abilities to get a job within the banking industry out there. And, I’ve often wondered if a new place would give me fresh perspective on several areas of my life. School would be another issue as I’d have to pay out-of-state tuition rates for a year, but I wouldn’t wish to delay school yet again.
Before you all think I’ve completely lost my mind, I assure you I have no plans to pick up and move. I’m far too practical for that. But, I’ve often wondered why I settle for less in some areas of my life then in others. As I’ve mentioned, I’m afraid of the unknown. I’m a planner by nature and not knowing how things will turn out prevents me from going for it, as they say. But, that doesn’t mean I’m idle either. I try to go to L.A. as often as possible so that I can pitch my scripts in the hopes that someone will option one. In fact, I’ll be going in October and have several interviews lined up.in
What would you do in this situation? Follow your dreams and hope things work out, or stay the current course and wait until you’re more certain of your finances? Obviously, the fact that I don’t have a family or anyone dependg on me gives me more freedom than most, but for the purposes of this discussion, let’s say you don’t have anyone depending on you. While we’re on it, why do you settle for less than you want? Or do you not?
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The thing about dreams is that there is always a price for following it and it can be minimized by having a very supportive family, friends and other social support systems. Being debt free would also help minimize the consequences of following your dreams.
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The other aspect of following your deams is that having a family and responsibilities and following your dreams does not have to be mutually exclusive. Most dreams with some exceptions can be chased on the side while holding a full time job and providing for your family. In my case I became more focussed and driven after I got married and my dream of running my own business started to take shape after my son was born. The price I am paying for this is lack of sleep and neglect in relationships outside of my immediate family. I am absolutely sure that I would not be motivated to do anything of value in life, if my wife and kid are not around.
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On a different note, if you want to be a screenwriter/novelist, perhaps you could put your writings on a web site, password protect the contents and hand out access to your materials to various literary agents.
I think that if you don’t have kids, or any other *serious* commitments, you should take a chance and follow your dream. Hey, it might not work out, but at least you gave it a shot, right?
I keep thinking about the line “We never regret the things we tried – only the things we didn’t.” I have similar goals about grad school and moving and writing, but like you, I haven’t jumped into them… yet. I’ve got a few obstacles right now, but what if you were to take a year (or two) and have the express goal of going to LA and pursuing your dream? This is what I want to do – save every penny for a year, set a goal date, and then focus all my energy on it. You can follow your dream and still have a safety net. Writer doesn’t *have to* prefaced by “starving.” I have actor friends who have moved to LA and then moved back – you know what? I don’t think anything bad about them at all for not making it, I only admire them for having the b@lls to get out there and try.
I used to want to be a screenwriter myself.
I shouldn’t use past tense, because it’s still in me, but it’s been pushed behind a bunch of other things in my life now. When I lived in the Twin Cities this dream was much stronger. Writers were everywhere. It was awesome!
Maybe you could take a “dream” vacation. Try to line up some meetings in LA and pitch like crazy for a week or two, then go back to work. That way you’d get a taste of your dream life while still maintaining your place in the “real world”.
Or perhaps find some local filmmakers and get them to make one of your scripts. It can be everybody’s reel (or whatever they call it (portfolio)). I’m trying to do this idea myself now. But infiltrating the group is taking longer than I hoped it would.
However you go about achieving your dreams, good luck to you.
@ BM – Congrats to you for still following your dreams! You’re right that having a family doesn’t mean you can’t follow your dreams, but it does slow down the process in some cases. In my particular case, I’m not sure that I’d want to raise a family in L.A., so if I did have a family, that would certainly play a role in how I’d feel about the situation. As far as my process, I’m still building my portfolio. I don’t care to place anything online per se, except with one website service that I will make use of soon. My current problem is that I have about five or six scripts that I’ve started and gotten about halfway through, then stopped. I get really excited about something else and then start that rather then finishing the previous project. So, I need to go through and finish my work and clean it up, then I’d be in a much better position to query a production company or agent. But thanks for the advice!
@ Jonathan – I think that’s easier said then done, lol. But, I will consider it!
@ Dawn – You’re right, I will regret not trying. And, I think that’s where I am right now, sort of working on my safety net because I don’t want to be the “starving writer.” I’m just not has committed as I should be. There are areas I could do better in. After having written this post and having a few discussions with others, I’ve decided on part of a course of action. One thing I’m doing wrong is spending way too much money. I need to set a no spending challenge and see how much I can save. The other thing I need to do is find a place with cheaper rent. I’m paying way too much for my current place, so when my lease is up, I’ll be looking for cheaper. Hopefully, the money I’m saving from no car payment, lower rent, and the no spending challenges will add up to a hefty sum so that in a year, I can sit down and realistically look at moving and feel good about it…hmm, maybe I can make that a big theme for me and share my successes here. Since I’ve thoroughly depressed everyone with this post, perhaps my progress can be equally inspiring to others? :)
@ DD – I try to go to L.A. every three months with this exact purpose in mind. There’s two problems with this. One, I need to finish some projects. And two, I hate pitching in person. I’m much better at communicating via writing, which is why I like the query letters. When I try to pitch in person, I get so nervous, that I mess up and fail to get the concept across. Last time I pitched Legendary films, the guy told me to come back when I had my sh*t together. Not exactly the nicest way to approach it, but it really is just because I suck trying to pitch. So, I’m trying to find ways to get better at this. I’m practicing on my friends, poor things! lol. But what about you? What are you doing to get your scripts out there? I always love talking to other screenwriters and swapping experiences. It’s always interesting!