Comments on: 7 Money Mistakes Newlyweds Make

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:01:43 +0000

I see where you’re coming from now. Stress of combining two lives into one + stress of debt = bad news. That’s very true.

Like everyone else, I tend to think of things from my own point of view. My fiance and I have been (living) together for years and are very settled into our relationship. That isn’t always the case for newlyweds. I’m guessing it isn’t for your friends either.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 17:26:56 +0000

@ Slinky – I agree that my friend and her husband didn’t really talk about it. I don’t understand how their relationship functions half the time for the way they talk to each other, but it seems to work for them, so I don’t know. But, in my case, it’s not that I’m totally opposed to debt. I agree that talking about it is the right thing to do, but when someone is so immersed in debt and struggling to get out of it, I don’t think that’s the right time to add the pressure of a marriage to it. I think overall that makes things harder. Marriage takes commitment, work, and a lot of good communication. However, money problems are one of the biggest reasons for divorce. I think walking into a new marriage with a ton of debt puts more burden on the relationship then is necessary. In my opinion, if I truly loved someone and wanted to spend the rest of my life with them, I’d say we should work on that debt first. I’m not opposed to helping with the debt if it was needed. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to take it into a new marriage, especially when the wedding itself may add to the debt – or at least slow down the repayment.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:54:51 +0000

I wouldn’t consider that talking about it at all. That’s issuing an ultimatum and those are much more likely than the debt to make someone resentful. I don’t understand putting up with someone who would talk to me like that!

Talking is good, but you also have to come to an agreement about it. In your case, you’re completely unwilling to help with the debt, so you would discuss things and come to the agreement that the debt is entirely his responsibility. Perhaps, you’d not combine finances completely until the debt is gone as well. Would you still resent it in that situation?

My fiance and I both have some debt. I have student loans and a car loan. He’s got a CC balance. We manage our finances separately, so it’s very simple for us. His debt is his responsibility, and mine is mine. That said, I’ve offered to help him pay down his CC. Completely of my own free will without resentment. Why? Because I love him, and I’m keeping him. He’s learned his lesson, he’s paid off half of it, and it’s just in the way now. He’s doing it himself though (and quickly too!)

By: Kristy

Kristy — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:50:32 +0000

@ Kosmo – I think it’s a great idea to have a set dollar amount that you can spend without having to discuss it! But, at the same time, I think if you have separate spending accounts anyway, you don’t need to have that rule, so it just depends on what works best for the couple. It seems to work for you guys, so that’s great! I think those who get married later in life tend to be a little more settled and situated, but they’re also used to doing without, so what they’re parents have isn’t that big of a deal. I think the parent thing really hits those who marry young and haven’t really experienced what they’ll have to sacrifice to get ahead financially yet.

@ BM – I see your point, but I still think it’s important to discuss it – whether they want to do not. If we let the other person not be involved it opens up a whole lot of problems later down the line. And while I agree that you can’t force them, there are other matters of persuasion. Most people are at least open to the idea of a monthly meeting to go over financial information and give input. If they’re involved in some way, then things are likely to be a bit more smooth financially.

@ Michelle – Absolutely! I couldn’t have said it better myself!

@ Slinky – I agree completely, I just don’t understand it! lol. I think because I’m more logical then emotional in a lot of ways, putting oneself in that kind of position just doesn’t make sense. But, in my friend’s case, they did talk about – if you call my friend telling her fiance ‘that’s just too bad, we’re getting married’ a talk. Even still, talking about it doesn’t solve the problem. Taking on massive amounts of debt that isn’t yours is likely to make anyone resentful – whether you talk about it or not.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:25:08 +0000

RE #1: Getting married is based on emotions, paying off debt is based on logic. Emotions usually win.

It also helps if you talk about the situation and come to an agreement beforehand. Your friends, for instance, should have discussed how they would go about paying off the debt, which should have led to discussing the overtime and how that overtime money is allocated. Instead, they both have different expectations which causes the resentment.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:26:30 +0000

I think a big mistake is not having a PLAN. Not just a budget, a PLAN – that encompasses how are the finances going to be handled, what constitutes Kosmo calls “no questions asked” purchases, what the financial goals are and how those goals are prioritized, and addresses what we would consider the basics of PF topics – saving, spending, giving, insurance, etc…My premarital counselling (required by my pastor) spent three (of 9) sessions addressing the above list. And then many of the other sessions addressed finances by association (family planning for one)…If you and your intended spouse are not on the same page prior to marriage, how can you expect to establish a home and build a future together?

By: BM

BM — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:59:46 +0000

great post Kristy… I agree with all the points you made, However I would slightly add to #2 that there is always going to be one spouse that is more suited to handle money. Sometimes it’s the guy and sometimes it’s the gal and you cannot make the other person interested in money matters if he or she is not inclined.
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For the benefit of such spouses there should be a folder that details all our accounts, loans, life insurances, credit card balances, investments and passwords to online investment accounts and it should be kept in a locker or any other place the spouse can easily reach in the event of an emergency

By: Kosmo @ The Casual Observer

Kosmo @ The Casual Observer — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:15:36 +0000

Amen on picking your battles. My wife and I agreed on a maximum amount for “no questions asked” purchases. Anything below that amount doesn’t require consulatation with spouse; anything above does. It works pretty well – neither of us abuse it. But it’s nice that I can buy a dozen books on half.com without consulting with her … but it’s also nice that neither of us can spend $500 without consulting with the other. I can’t remember ever arguing about grocery items.

Luckily we haven’t had the problem of wanting what our parents have. We got married when we were about 30, and we are in better financial shape than either set of parents, simply because our income dwarfs that of our parents. So we pretty much can afford what our parents have. Obviously, that’s atypical for most newleyweds. Also, we did follow the rule of starting small when we we fresh out of college. The furniture I had before I got married would probably make a lot of people cringe – but it was very functional :)