Comments on: When Are Gifts Considered Cheap?

By: Ella

Ella — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 05:17:58 +0000

It’s about prioritizing. If someone refuses to go without something they enjoy to get me a once-in-a-lifetime wedding gift, then I have reason to be upset. My best friend and bridesmaid got me nothing for my wedding. Her mom and dad came and they got us $75 of dishes, but the bridesmaid should have done something on her own in my opinion.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:49:35 +0000

A gift is a gift. If someone is inviting me to their wedding to help recoup some money they spent on their own party then I’d just as soon not go. I mean, I’m inviting you to an important event in my life, isn’t you just showing up and maybe a card with well wishes really all I should want? Call me naive but a gift is by definition something without obligation.

By: MAG

MAG — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:37:28 +0000

What a great subject to stir up. Personally, I feel that if you are going to gauge the “cheapness” of a gift from a certain individual, you need to take into account their overall financial situation. A $25 gift from a younger attending guest is certainly not cheap. Where as a $25 gift from a well-established professional couple could kind of tilt the tables in that direction. Either way, people should just be appreciative that they are receiving any gifts at all!

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:25:43 +0000

Tina’s comment really surprised me – around these parts gift cards are more common than actual gifts now days for any occasion – weddings, birthdays, you name it. As one who was married, I got plenty of gift cards. I loved it because it meant I could pick out something to our tastes. Sometimes when people go off registry they mean well, but they get items that just can’t be used. Those turn into the equivalent of big, bulky gift cards.

I’ve heard the saying before that a wedding a gift should cover the cost of the plate. But… how do you know?? Seriously, for example, my wedding was catered by a very high end restaurant, but because we had it in a small beautiful annex off the back and we went with all appetizers and small plate items – including the cake, we were able to set our budget at around $20 a head. (I’ve been told it was the best reception food some folks had ever had, so in this case it paid to let the chef have a free hand.) If you ate at this restaurant though, you would expect it to be $50. On the other hand, I know many “banquet rooms” (with all that implies) around here charge twice that, but the meal may seem more like $9.95. How can you possibly plan on that ahead of time without asking, and that seems rude.

Personally, I appreciated all the gifts I got – the handmade ones, the small gift cards… even the gifts I ended up having to return. I could see how in the examples above, where someone put a lot into someone else’s wedding then were shafted in return, how that would be frustrating though!

By: susan

susan — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:19:48 +0000

Re my comment about the Chinese weddings – I should add that guests aren’t expected to bring more than then standard $50 unless they are really close friends to the family. If you’re some friend of a friend, and you put in more than the standard, that’s considered weird and somewhat tacky (as in, the automatic assumption would be that you want something from the parents/newlyweds, and are trying to buy your way in).

By: susan

susan — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:16:41 +0000

I think it depends on the social norms. At any Chinese-style wedding thrown for a Chinese couple (even in America!), guests are usually expected to bring cash as a gift, enough to cover the cost of the dinner banquet ($50-$100 per person is the standard). If the guests can’t afford it, they send some cash as a “best wishes” type of thing, but don’t show up for the dinner.

If a guest is non-Chinese (a white coworker, for example), it’s different. No one thinks the non-Chinese guest is cheap if they don’t bring any cash, because they are from a different culture, and don’t understand the “customs”.

They DO care if it’s a Chinese guest who does that, because the Chinese guest should know better.

By: tina

tina — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:52:14 +0000

I commented on this on Dog’s blog and I am still surprised at the negative comments she received. I honestly have NEVER heard of a person giving a giftcard for a wedding present, it makes me wonder if they regifted the giftcard. In my neck of the woods, giftcards are only acceptable at showers and even then ONLY if the bride is registered at the store.

Tina

p.s I enjoy your blog, lots of info!

By: BM

BM — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:03:01 +0000

Coming from a different culture where a small wedding means 500+ guests and a large wedding means 2000+ guests, I have a different take on wedding gifts. If everyone came with a gift for these weddings where would you put hundreds of gifts, you would need a separate room just to accommodate these.

To deal with this we specifically mentioned on our wedding invitations “Not to bring any gifts”. That worked out very well as we received only about 10-15 gifts.

By: mimi

mimi — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:33:16 +0000

I hate giving cash — especially for wedding gifts. I tend to NOT get gifts off of the couple’s registry because I don’t want them to know how much I spent on the gift — especially if they are close friends. I have found great items on sale and things that are thoughtful that have saved me money. For instance — I hand embroidered a set of pillowcases for a friend for one wedding. I have also created a “basket of goodies” like wine, jams, etc. from Maine for people who don’t live here. They love that stuff. You can’t put a price on a homemade gift because it takes time and effort — and usually (if you’re MY friends and family) you appreciate it more anyway!

By: Ginger

Ginger — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:47:06 +0000

I think you misinterpreted what Dog was saying. It wasn’t about the dollar value of the gift, but the personal investment in it.

She was looking for thoughtfulness and consideration, not just a whack of cash.

I’m sure we’ve all gotten some pretty amazing gifts over the years. Some were probably expensive, and others probably didn’t cost anything at all. (My examples would be a pair of diamond earrings [expensive] and a set of shed deer antlers found in the woods [free])

What makes those cheap AND expensive gifts the best? The thought behind them!

I would be just as offended if someone gave me a gift that cost thousands of dollars but had absolutely no thought put behind it. I think this is the heart of the matter.

“Cheap” is just a catch-all phrase that most of us default to. I don’t think any of us that are referring to “cheap gifts” use the word strictly to denote dollar value.