You know, after this experience, I don’t think I’ll ever want to be a maid of honor again. I love my friend, but I had no idea that being in her wedding was personally going to cost me so much!

First of all, my friend and her fiancé don’t have a lot of money and they didn’t spend a lot of time saving for the wedding. In fact, her wedding budget was like $3000 – not counting the rings. It’s also a very small wedding and there’s only four of us in the wedding party – the bride, groom, best man, and myself as the maid of honor. But, because my friend didn’t have a lot of money, she is expecting me to buy my own dress and shoes, pay for my hair and nails – which I have to have done because of the pictures – and other little miscellaneous expenses.

Now, a coworker at work is getting married and she thought it was crazy that I had to pay for all of that myself. I didn’t mind because I knew their budget was tight. However, I got a little frustrated when I found out they’re paying for the best man’s tux rental. His tux is about $100. My dress was $135. I would have been fine paying the $35 if all she could do was $100. But, I find it ridiculous that I’m expected to pay for all of that stuff myself, while the best man gets his tux rental, including shoes, paid for him.

Her reasoning was that they knew they could depend on me to do what I was supposed to do for the wedding, but the best man is somewhat flaky. Edward has known this guy since high school, so he is his best friend, but he’s not reliable at all. They’re also trying to get the guy to stay the night at their house the night before the wedding so they can make sure he’s on time. I found that kind of strange, but ok, whatever. I’ll pay for my stuff and leave it at that.

Well, it gets better. Turns out, I’m supposed to host the bachelorette party and my friend wants to do it somewhat wild. She’s got seven friends, counting myself, that she wants to invite, so I figure if they all pitch in $20-30, I can plan something really nice. I expected that I would pay the bulk of the money for this since it’s her special night and I wanted her to have a good time. So, my plan was to have dinner at the restaurant her fiancé proposed to her at, then take a limo downtown to an upscale club where I’ve reserved tables for us. Total cost?

• Dinner – $50

• Limo for 4 hours – $300

• Club reservation – $300

• Cocktail dress – $90

Grand total – $740

I don’t actually own a cocktail dress, so that’s why I bought one. The club itself is pretty cool. The fee includes our own VIP tables near the DJ booth, a bottle of alcohol and mixers where our personal cocktail waitress will make the drinks at our table. If anyone wants something else to drink, she will go to the bar and get them for us. We’ll also have fruit and other little snacks to go with it, and it will be pre-decorated for us. So, all in all, that $390 was well-spent.

The limo I’m still iffy about. Frankly, I didn’t want to have to worry about getting seven other drunk women home. I figured the limo would be the easiest way to do that. But here’s the thing. Of all the people I’ve talked to, only one said they would go downtown with us. The rest aren’t sure they can make it. Everyone is willing to do dinner, but to go downtown is a different story. Of course, no one had any qualms with it until I asked for $20-30 or whatever they could spare. Suddenly that weekend they’re all going out of town.

So here I am, planning this bachelorette party that I was sort of guilted into planning anyway, and her so-called friends are backing out because I’m asking for a little money to cover the expenses. I really don’t think $20-30 is a lot, and I didn’t make it a requirement. I was just hoping for some support. But, on the other hand, I feel bad for my best friend because now these people aren’t going to be there for one of the most important events in her life. I say that with a grain of salt, but you know what I mean. She’s been looking forward to this for months. And, I won’t tell her the plan, so she has no idea what I have in store.

As it stands, there’s three of us for sure going downtown. Most everyone else will be going to dinner, though. So, what I’m thinking is that I can modify it to make it cheaper. I’ll keep the club reservation because, honestly, I’m excited about that, too. I’ll skip the limo and just rent a hotel room downtown where we can safely get from the club to the hotel in one piece. That’s a plus too because with the limo, we’d be cutting the night short so I didn’t get charged anything extra. With the hotel, we don’t have to worry about it. But, the hotel is probably going to be about $175 for the night as it’s a Saturday. So, in total, I’d only be looking at about $615. But, it will probably be a little more when you calculate tip and any extra drinks we might have.

I’m just whining a little here, but being the bride’s best friend is turning out to be way more expensive than I thought it would be. I’m sure we’ll have a great time, but I’m disappointed that this all falls on my shoulders alone. I sort of expected her other friends to pitch in on this and they’re not. The grand total I’ve spent on this wedding, including my dress, hair, nails, and bachelorette party comes to about $1000. I think that’s a lot for a wedding that’s only costing them $3000. But, maybe I’m just being stingy with my money. I’ve worked hard to save it and I’m finding it difficult to part ways with it when I don’t really feel like the effort is being appreciated. I feel like my friend is just taking for granted that I would do this.

Am I just being a selfish penny-pincher here, or does this seem like a lot of money and effort to heap on someone you’ve asked to be in your wedding. What would you do in this case?

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