Does Debt Control Your Life?
In part two of the series on how I got out of debt, a reader made an interesting comment that got me thinking.
The comment was:
…One thing that I learned during that time, is that debt puts your life on hold. Everything else in life takes a back seat when you are under debt, family life, retirement planning, career planning, college funds, emergency funds, hobbies….
I disagree. I don’t think being in debt puts your life on hold, but I know that people feel that way. Clearly this reader did. But, it’s an interesting discussion because it relates back to my 7 Habits series. Habit one was specifically about choice. Again, we’re often trained to believe that we are a product of our circumstances. In the case of debt, our lives are put on hold. However, in truth, we are a product of our choices. If our life is on hold it’s because we CHOOSE to put it on hold.
I’m not suggesting that being in debt is a good thing – well, at least being in debt up to your eyeballs, anyway. But, working out a debt repayment plan doesn’t mean that you can’t have a life. In fact, I’d say all the more reason to enjoy life. But, that doesn’t mean you have to spend money to enjoy life. I’ve always said life is about the relationships we have. Spending time with your loved ones is what makes life worth it, not having the big house and fancy cars, or the money. Those things are nice, sure, but people enrich your life.
So the idea of putting my life on hold because of debt is a non-option. I cut back, as I’m sure most people trying to pay back their debts do, but not to the point that I didn’t have fun or experience the things I wanted to experience. In my case, I kept a little fun money in the budget because it was important to me to do so. Dawn at Fighting Foreclosure is a great example of this, as well. Dawn, hope you don’t mind me using you here! ;) But, she works her tail end off to get an additional $900 a month in order to make the bills and be comfortable with where she is. Yet, she doesn’t completely cut out dinner with her girlfriends. She didn’t completely cut out wine as she enjoys the occasional glass.
Sure, it’s easy to believe we can give these little things up, but in the grand scheme of things, if we’re not doing them all the time, how much are we really saving by cutting them out? And why should we? Show me where it’s written that we should cut out the fun and put life on hold in order to get out of debt. Tell me why familial relationships should suffer because we’re working on debt. If anything, I think that’s the time to hold tight to your friends and family. They’ll be the support and encouragement that keeps you going.
Now, being in significant debt obviously causes stress and puts serious hardship on relationships. That’s clear by the divorce rate in the U.S. But, I wonder how much of that is because people feel the need to put their lives on hold in order to get out of debt. I wonder if more people stopped every once in awhile and just lived, if their relationship with their loved ones would be different, despite being in debt. I’m no expert, by any means, but it seems to me the lack of communication and mismanagement of priorities is the culprit. But, it’s the choice people make. They choose to put that debt in an all encompassing position.
Some of you may disagree. You may say that if you’re in debt, it’s hard to consider anything else. Getting out of debt is the number one goal. Even some financial experts suggest that getting out of debt should be your number one priority. And getting out of debt helps you meet your family obligations, you’ll be more focused on them and your job, etc. Pardon me for being honest here, but those are just excuses. Those are the choices you’ve made for yourself.
Yes, debt is hard and it’s stressful. It’s not easy and it’s a lot of pressure, particularly when you have a family. But, the brain is an amazing thing. When you put your mind to something, really put your mind to it, you’d be surprised what you can accomplish. But, we have to sharpen our saws. We can cut more trees with a sharper saw than expending more energy trying to use the dull one we have. We will get where we need to be with our debt repayment plan, but we need to take the time to enjoy life before it’s too late.
Ok, off my soapbox now. Thanks for reading!
What are your thoughts on this matter? Do you think debt should be all encompassing? Is it your number one priority? Or, do you believe as I do, that while important, it should not be put before other aspects of your life?
Related posts:
- Life or Debt Part II: A Reason to Fight
- Life or Debt: The Psychology of Consumer Debt
- Leaving the Corporate Life Behind
- Group Writing Project: Poorest Time In My Life
- 6 Lessons Learned From Being In Debt
Shoot! I wrote a long comment and then it was eaten by the server. Let’s try this again…
Kristy, I couldn’t agree more. I loved this post! In fact, as I was reading the first paragraph I was thinking, “Wow, that’s just like meeee…” then a paragraph later you mentioned me! Ha! (Of course I don’t mind.)
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to enjoy the company of friends and family. My sister came over the other morning and we had a lovely time catching up – for the cost of a few coffee beans and a splash of milk. I see dealing with debt like a diet. If all you do is fast and eat celery and make yourself miserable by cutting out all that is good, you are a prime target for going ballistic on a large pizza and half gallon of ice cream. Wasn’t it Mae West who said, “All things in moderation, including moderation.”? If you allow yourself some leeway, and as you say – reach out to family and friends, you will get a lot farther. It may seem backwards, but I think allowing myself the ability to go out to dinner or see a movie actually helps my debt reduction in the long term, because I am much more likely to stick with it!
Certainly, everyone is free to decide for themselves. But getting out of debt shouldn’t be a number one priority?
As I said before, having fun =/= spending lots of money. Getting out of debt, and enjoying life are not mutually exclusive.
For example, we spend $0 per month on TV as we are on antenna. Yet, every Thursday we have a ball watching The Office, 30 Rock, et al.
I was just talking with Mr. 444 last night about how we might get through what seems like a coming seismic shift in the economy and the world of personal credit. I believe many who previously had good credit will not anymore, and creditors are terrified that customers will not pay them back. I hope we can continue to surprise them by paying our debts faithfully. I said to the mister that we’re so used to living lean, what difference will it make to us to keep living that way for a number of years? In the end we should have paid-off bills and an impressive credit record.
I’m lucky to not have massive debt (just a mortgage), but I’m of the opinion that you can’t let the debt control your life.
Create a plan and stick to it, definitely. But enjoy life at the same time. All work and no play …
Kristy,
I really appreciate you responding to my comment, I did not mean to say that having fun and building on relationships should take a back seat when in debt. However with hindsight I can say that many areas of our life were definitely put on hold. For instance, We did not start retirement investing untill we were done with debts, we did not even consider having second child while in debt. We hesitated in donating to charities when we were in debt. We did not begin investing for college for my son untill after we were in debt.
These days my wife is planning to take an extra 3-4 months off for maternity leave and then use that time to further her education, This would have been unthinkable if we were in debt. . I want to run my own startup/consulting firm some day and every day I spend a little bit either preparing or learning something about it. There is no way I would be able to do all these if I was stressed about being in debt.
I will admit that I am a bit more paranoid about financial security than most people. I worry about loosing a job in this economy and spent months looking for a job. Having no debt other than mortgage helps me a lot in keeping me sane.
Unless, you’re so far in debt that it’s the only way out or it’s what you want to do to get out of debt faster, you shouldn’t put your life on hold. For one, I don’t think you should EVER put your retirement savings on hold. It’s just too hard to catch up to the magical powers of compounding. I’m not saying you need to max everything out, but if you start early enough, you don’t need to either. Besides, it’s better to take a slow and steady approach that gets the job done than to go gung-ho and burn out in a few months.
Have you ever considered debt settlement? It is a viable alternative that has helped millions save thousands on credit card debt. With interest rate spiraling out of control debt settlement will negotiate your debt with the credit card companies for a fraction of what you owe.
I would say that being in debt puts your dreams on hold not your life. The job you always wanted, or that new hobby, or some great vacation most likely needs to wait until you can cast off the chains of debt.
Life can still be awesome while getting out of debt. I look back fondly on my 4 years of debt reduction on 70k. The growth and energy of that time makes me smile and I know that it would be one of the best things that we ever did.
If you can figure out your passion and your dreams thnt debt reduction is a means to a beautiful end. Sure those ends often need to wait until you get financial sanity back, but now the debt reduction is part of that dream.
[...] Does Debt Control Your Life? @ Master Your Card [...]
[...] 10. Does Debt Control your Life by Master Your Card: This is a very insightful article about the mindset and how people feel when they are in debt. Makes a nice reading and an interesting case. [...]
@ Dawn – Sorry you had server trouble! I hate when that happens! But yes, when I wrote this post, you were the first person to pop in my head – besides myself – because it’s true! We need to have a life in order to keep sane, and I like your diet analogy. It’s so true.
@ Mr. NtJS – Everyone will have their own way of doing things, but my personal opinion is that no, debt is not your number one priority. You should be your number one priority – your physical health, your mental health, your relationships that make worth life living. You are your biggest asset and should be treated accordingly. Debt is certainly important, but there’s a reason that finance gurus chant ‘pay yourself first.’
@ 444 – Once you make something a habit, it pretty easy to keep up even when circumstances change. And, I’m all for living frugally and making wise money decisions, but not to the extreme that it cuts you off from the rest of the world. Not that I think you do that, I’m just saying.
@ kosmo – Yup! And you can’t really call it a life if all you do is stress over debt and bills. As J. Money says (indirectly quoted, of course), budgets are sexy! There’s a reason for that…they work!
@ BM – You aren’t alone in your need for financial security, and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that at all. I’m just of the opinion that being frugal and conscientious of our finances doesn’t mean that we can’t live our lives to the fullest, either. I have a group of girlfriends that I get together with at least twice a month and we hold video game tournaments. It costs us some snacks and drinks and that’s about it, but we have fun! Lots of fun! That’s all I’m saying. Debt can’t control your life so much that you miss out on the little stuff that make all the hardships worthwhile. But, congrats to you and your wife being able to take a little extra time for the baby! When’s she due?
@ Slinky – I agree with you on the retirement, but it’s the first thing people cut! Even I had to train myself in this area and it’s because we don’t see ourselves as an asset, even though we are. But, like many others in the finance world, I wish I had started younger, but I do have the advantage of starting in my 20s, at least. So I’m pretty happy about that!
@ Credit Answers – Spam much?
@ The Happy Rock – See, I don’t think debt puts your dreams on hold, per se. I think it slows them down – in terms of the things you listed – but it doesn’t, or shouldn’t, put them on hold. But, then again, that’s what works best for some people, so that’s the way it is. I’m glad you have such positive thoughts about your debt reduction journey! It’s not easy, but it is still possible to live during those times!