Every month there’s a group of seven of us that tell some stories about the time in our lives related to that month’s topic. This month we’re talking about the poorest time in our lives. I had to really think about this a little because I’ve never been so bad off that I didn’t have options. I am at least grateful for that. But there have been moments in my life where it’s certainly been difficult not to question the powers that be, even though I know I shouldn’t.

What’s interesting about this topic is that most people automatically assume that money is the only definition of rich and poor. I disagree. I think emotional wealth, or the lack thereof, is extremely important as well. How you feel about your situation, or who you choose to let influence you makes a world of difference when talking about the poorest time in your life.

So, I guess that narrows down my choice of stories to when I was 16 or 17. To tell this story I need to give you a little background on my family, which deviates from the topic, but puts things into perspective. I was the first born, and despite what people say, the pecking order in the family determines a lot about how your kids turn out. Anyway, I have two younger siblings. My sister is the middle child and my brother is the baby – daddy’s little girl and mamma’s boy. That meant that I needed to be self-sufficient with a lot growing up.

Throughout high school, if I wanted anything, I bought it myself. I got lucky for band and was given my mother’s hand-me-down clarinet. I was good, probably good enough to get a scholarship, but I couldn’t afford better than I had so I never really tried. My brother and sister, on the other hand, had their instruments bought new. This is one example of many, so I guess in some twisted way, my parents did teach me a little about finances as I was growing up.

Anyway, the division of the family got worse the closer I got to graduation. I was determined to get out on my own and start living my life for me. I had always felt that I was the trophy daughter in that my parents expected nothing less than A’s from me while they would accept B’s and C’s from my brother and sister. I did as they expected with the hope that it would get me where I wanted to go. After graduation, things didn’t go exactly as planned.

My family and I got into a huge fight, one of the worst we’ve ever had. They were moving to a small, remote town and they were demanding that I go with them. Since this town was too far away from the school I wanted to attend, my parents told me I would just have to pick another school. As they weren’t paying, I didn’t really see this as their choice. For the first time in my life, I stood up and said I wasn’t going. Well, you can imagine the strife that caused. To make a long story short, I didn’t end up going with them.

I moved in with a friend and lived on her couch. I had nothing to my name as my parent’s refused to give me any of my things, their argument was that they bought it and they were keeping it. I thought this was a little immature, even then, but whatever. I didn’t need them and I didn’t need those things. Trouble was, I did need them and I did need those things. Not necessarily for monetary reasons – though that’s true – but also for emotional reasons. Bonds had been severed and I felt drained. I didn’t talk to my family for months. I was truly on my own.

So, at this point, my options were pretty limited. Even though I had the couch, I still had to pitch in for groceries and rent. I had to have money, which meant I needed a job. Since I had bills to pay and I was only making $6 an hour, school was sort of slowing going. I had a little bit of scholarship money for graduating high school in three years, but that was about it. The deal was supposed to be that I could live at home rent-free while I was in school…clearly that wasn’t going to happen.

I worked and gave my money away. I had no money for a car, so most of my money was going to cab rides. It didn’t occur to me to look for public transportation and I really couldn’t rely on my friend. I continued this pattern, barely keeping my head above water, some nights going without dinner, until I was 18. At 18 I got my first credit card. Boy was that a mistake. I don’t regret my past per se because it’s made me who I am today, but in truth, I could have done without that first credit card.

I thought it was the answer to all my prayers and I spent heavily on it. The first thing I did was go out to a nice fast-food place and have at the menu. Hey, for someone who was living off of ramen noodles or nothing at all when they got tired of the noodles, I was starving! The first thing I wanted was food. Again, it didn’t occur to me to go to the store and buy food that would last! But, just as things started looking up in my eyes, something else came along to knock me down.

My friend decided that she wanted her boyfriend to move in and he didn’t want me there. I had two weeks to find a place. Nice friend, huh? At any rate, I ended up getting lucky and finding a place with a co-worker. I didn’t know her beyond work except that her husband was in the military and they had an extra room they wanted to rent out. So, I rented it…though I had to share it with her pet iguana. That was a little scary as there was no cage for the thing. There were many times I woke to it just sitting on my chest staring at me. Can we say creepy?

School was getting harder and harder, too because I was having to buy my own books and supplies. Since I was under the age of 24, I was still considered a dependent and financial aid still took my parent’s income into consideration. That meant I wasn’t getting any help at all because my parent’s made too much money. I finally said that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I dropped out and started working as many hours as I could. I knew that I wanted a small place of my own and in order to get it I would need to save every penny. So I worked. And, around this time I heard that story about if you double a penny every day for 30 days you’d have $1 million. Well, I just had to see for myself, so I started collecting pennies, too. Yeah, I got to day 5 and couldn’t find enough pennies to double anymore so I stopped trying to do that. But, if I found money on the ground, I did pick it up and save it. Hey, I was pretty broke!

Eventually I was able to save enough to get a small place of my own, and when I say small I mean small. The kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom were literally all one room. I think even studio’s are bigger then what I had. I also swallowed my pride and called my parents. I didn’t want money – though they offered that and to let me move back home. I just wanted my car and my stuff. It took a bit of negotiating, but I was finally able to get those back. So, with my car and stuff in tow, I moved to my new place. It was great that first month, until I realized how much all of the bills would be together. Now I had to figure out how I could afford the place by myself.

I took up a second job, but two minimum wage jobs is still not a lot of money. So, I was forced to pick up some “odds an ends” kind of jobs just to stay afloat. I delivered pizzas on the weekends, picked up groceries for the elderly neighbor, washed cars at the local car wash, and so on. All that work and you’d think I would have been able to figure out money, or at least save it. But somewhere in all of that was the fact that I was blowing money somewhere. And because I didn’t have a budget in place, I had no clue where anything was going.

This cycle continued until I got into banking and then I saw the error of my ways. It’s hard to think that if I had known then what I know now, I might have had a very nice savings built up. But, I struggled and I didn’t try to fix anything because I didn’t know there was another way to live. I didn’t know to ask for help.

This period of my life is what I consider my poorest because of both the financial and the emotional struggles I was going through. I wasn’t so bad off that I was on the streets begging, but I wasn’t comfortable either. In hind sight, I think my emotional troubles made it worse because I was spending money to feel better. I don’t know what I was spending on, but I do know I wasted a lot of money back then. This is why it’s so important to have the support of family and friends because if you don’t, you’ll face a lot of uphill challenges.

So that’s my story. I know in the grand scheme of things that I was a lot better off than many people. I’m certainly thankful for the things I did have. But, I definitely understand what it’s like to be challenged. Even though I didn’t think there was anything I could do about my situation at the time, I did feel the stress of the situation everyday. So, if you’re struggling, you’re not alone in that respect. And because I believe that emotional stress and baggage can affect your finances, I love these support groups that are popping up all over the place now. I really wish they had had one when I was going through all of this!

Related posts:

1. Group Writing Project: My Financial History
2. Group writing project: Personal Experiences With Loans
3. Life or Debt Part II: A Reason to Fight
4. Does Debt Control Your Life?
5. Interest rates – one of life’s great mysteries…