That was a really interesting article.

However, my experience has been quite different.
I am from India and mine was an arranged marriage ( quite common in India). We had known each other for about 3 months when we got married and we have our finances combined since then. Its been two years and we did see a lot of ups and downs money-wise during this time. First we ran credit card debts because of the expenses we incurred during our wedding, then we had to move from India to US and it required a big initial expenditure ( although we got reimbursed for it but it took a couple of months for the money to come through) so we again went into debt. Then my spouse couldn’t work for about 6 months due to visa issues. Initially my income was more than my husband’s, now he’s earning more. So we have been through quite a bit. The good part is that we both live frugally. Still we both had to catch up with the other one in a lot of areas – my husband was very careful about the cash inflow, he used to watch every penny he was supposed to get and made sure he got it. He’s also a genius at filing taxes. As for me, until we got engaged, I didn’t even know that I wasn’t claiming about 20% of my monthly salary, it was just getting accumulated somewhere – I think this example shows how careful I was about my income. But outflow was a totally different matter, I had every expense jotted down in my notebook, with every receipt kept carefully whereas my husband often ended up spending all his money on frivolous stuff. Marriage was a real eye-opener for us. Not only did we learn each other’s better habits, but also learned that we need to aggressively save if we want to make progress in life and at the same time lead a comfortable lifestyle. Now, I know every component in my salary, and my husband maintains a real nice excel sheet to log our daily expenses ( with pie chart, sub-category totals…the whole nine yards). The only long term issue we have had so far is his tendency to trade in stocks ( I am not talking about long term investing), but now that he invests relatively smaller amount of money I have just learned to take it in the stride. Nobody’s perfect, Right?

DH and I have been married for 6 years and dated for 3.5 years before that. When we first got engaged, we opened a joint checking account to be used for wedding expenses. Each of us contributed a certain amount each month. After the wedding, we both closed our individual accounts and combined all of our money into the joint account.

The first year we made a lot of mistakes. We bounced so many checks it was ridiculous! There were also a lot of arguments about who had made “stupid” purchases and who’s fault the bounced checks were.

After a year, we sat down and had a very frank discussion. It was decided that an excel file would be created to keep track of spending. We were both responsible for writing our purchases (by check, debit card, and etc.) into our checkbook ledger and the Excel file would be updated at least once a week. That way we both could see how much was really in the account instead of relying on the ATM reciepts. Also, it kept us both honest since the purchases recorded in the Excel file could be reconciled with the purcahses that showed up on the banks website at any time.

During that talk, we also decided that any purchase over $40 had to be okayed by both of us before it was made. Lately, we’ve been consulting each other for purchases above about $25. I don’t really know when we started doing that. It just sort of worked out that way.

It took us a while to work out the kinks in our system but it works well for us and there is no more fighting.

My husband and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years (1 1/2 years dating/engaged and almost a year married), and have had at least one joint savings account for the last two years. Initially, we opened a joint savings account and made equal contributions as a way to build up savings for the life we knew we were going to spend together. If things didn’t work out between us, we knew that we could split the money right down the middle (it was an interest-bearing account) and go our separate ways. Yes, there was the risk of one person totally cleaning out the account, but because the money wasn’t necessary for our survival, we both considered it money well spent for never seeing that person again.

Obviously, things worked out, and when we got married, we combined all of our accounts. Then, we sat down one night and hashed out a detailed budget based on family income and expenses, broken down by priority (e.g. clothing, shelter, food, and taxes all take first seat; dining out and cell phones fall into last place). We do a weekly update to track our spending, and adjust our activities to match the money we actually have. We also put away money into savings–emergency fund, travel, IRAs, etc.–and each have an allotment every month for personal spending. It’s up to the individual to keep track of what they spend, but the other can’t dictate how that money is spent. For example, I love pedicures and my husband loves electronics. Neither thinks the other is making a particularly good choice by blowing their money on that stuff, but as long as it’s within our personal budgets, we refuse to make it an issue.

Basically, good communication and trust are the bases of our financial planning, and so far, it’s worked remarkably well. As for those folks that have financial issues to accompany their domestic issues, well, it’s not the joint bank account that is really the problem here.

It’s not that i don’t trust the other person but it’s just so I can sleep at night. I’ve been there, done that. Phew…. I am so linking to this!

As time and years wore on, he would withdraw money in the early days of the ATM, and NOT TELL ME! Too many times I’d go to buy food and there was no money at all, and we were a week from pay day. It never entered my mind to open my own account, because you just didn’t do that…then. When he passed away 5 years ago, I had long since learned to keep a buffer in the account, and when I finally went through his wallet, I found countless ATM withdrawal receipts. Finally, into our 20th year of marriage, along came Automatic Deposit, which he despised because it meant I would know exactly how much he made & brought home, but he was driving long-haul trucking and I told him it needed to be auto deposited so that money would be available while he was driving cross country.

Now, as a widow I have a “joint” account with my 2 adult children still at home; a business account with my daughter on it, and 2 accounts with only myself on it. Emergency fund fully funded and all the “how to get to it” information in a safe place if something should happen to me. Personally, I don’t think couples should join their money at any time. It leads to far too many problems, and I don’t even personally believe you need a joint account for household bills. Just decide amongst yourselves who will pay the mortgage, utilities, food, etc., making it as equitable as possible, based on the income of each individual. I believe that will lead to fewer problems, and then neither party at any time has the right to ask the “where’s the money” question, or “what do you do with your money” question. Keep it simple, keep it separated. Less grief, heartache and you’ll always have trust.

Finances in any relationship are always a cause for great concern. When children are involved it becomes more of a concern. If your money is always separate, and if each personal is financially responsible, the entire family’s needs will always be met. If you combine them, one or the other married partner may feel that since there seems to be “so much money” in the account, why not use a little here and there for things that are wanted, but not necessarily needed. Always know up front and without question who will handle what. In my married life, more than once I went out to get in my car to go to work and my car was gone. The story? “I was going to make the payment today.” Not so much. Now, almost every bill I have is set up as an auto pay through the lender, and I never have to worry about whether my car will be outside in the morning.

A sad lesson to learn all these years later, and only since my husband has passed away. He tended to think that if money was in the account, it was certainly meant for him to spend, regardless of whether the bills were paid. More often than not, he’d spend the money before the bills were paid. If I were ever to remarry, the first thing I’d make crystal clear is that I will not join my funds with his, but I’ll pay this bill and that bill (or whatever), and I’ll be responsible for my car, insurance, charitable contributions, whatever, but no, I’m not joining finances ever again. Lesson learned (the very hard way).

Love your posts; thank you,

It is a HUGE deal, and in today’s world with automatic payments a complicated mess. However, you have explained the speed bumps extremely well.

I will share with you the details when I get them sorted out in the next day or two.